Sunday, June 23, 2024

LAMPOON: ‘Onion subsidy’ over wage hike: SU to employees

by Inn F. Lacion | April 30, 2023

After reaching a deadlock during negotiations on salary increases for faculty and staff, the Silliman University (SU) administration offered to give a monthly subsidy for the purchase of red onions if their initial offers were to be accepted.

Representatives for the SU administration discussed these terms and other provisions for the 2022-2028 collective bargaining agreement with the University Workers Union (UWU) in a meeting moderated by the Department of Slavery and Exploitation (DOLE) on Sunday.

Atty. Abe Ugado, head negotiator for the administration, said that the university shouldering the “astronomical” price of red onions should be a “generous enough” benefit for its workers.

“Silliman is often accused of giving insufficient wages to its workers, but many forget that the university offers the best benefits—like onions,” Ugado added. “That is the very reason why SU remains a top university with top quality professors to this day.”

Despite further negotiations ensuing from the offer, all sides were still unable to reach an agreement, with DOLE scheduling another meeting on the next pineapple harvesting season.

UWU President Gino Ongguro said that, while the move to offer the benefit was appreciated, the administration must also give subsidies for white onions, sugar, and tropical fruits for their union to accept admin’s terms.

“Not only is the red onion issue so last year, but there are many other necessities that have also skyrocketed in price,” Ongguro said during the negotiations.

Onii-chan Enratatata, president of the SU Student-Government, supported UWU in a statement posted on Facebook urging more subsidies if higher wages cannot be granted.

Ratatata said that granting more food subsidies to teachers is not only their right, but will improve students’ mental health by making teachers “less cranky and more amiable to [assignment] extensions.”

“As the student handbook says: ‘You’re not you when you’re hungry.’ Our teachers should also be allowed to educate us to the best of their abilities without undue hindrances,” he added.

DISCLAIMER: This article is part of the Weekly Sillimanian’s lampoon issue. Any real, semi-real, or similar names, places, people, products, services, and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding details are purely fictional. The article’s contents are to be considered satire, parody, surrealism, and humor.

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