By Michko Je M. Bito-on
To address problems regarding the declining number of enrolees and to improve the quality of education it is giving to students, Sillyman University has decided to open three new course offerings starting this second semester of school year 2013-2014. These new courses aim to provide enrolees with new academic choices which they cannot find in any other university.
Bachelor of Arts Major in Photography Minor in Photobombing
Forget about food and water. The internet is the life source of the Selfie Generation. It acts as the real-time diaries of most of the youth today: giving us the latest lowdown of what they’re eating (foodporn), what music they’re listening to (causing one an eargasm) and even how good or bad they’re feeling even if they don’t know you personally.
As the label implies, the Selfie generation’s trademark of flooding one’s newsfeed with pictures of themselves doing the most nonsensical
things has become a very alarming problem as more and more people suffer from nausea and vomiting from viewing repetitive images of selfie addicts. (Like dude, seriously, we do not want to know what you do inside the comfort room. Is taking a sefie while you’re sleeping even possible? Pag-sure oi.) As a solution, Sillyman University will be having a new course offering entitled Bachelor of Arts Major in Photography Minor in Photobombing as a deterrent to the negative practice.
Students will be receiving units on how to sneak up on random people who are about to take selfies. They will also learn the art of “Face Contortion” to momentarily scare the living daylights out of people viewing the photos. However, course directors wish to warn persistent selfie takers to report photobombers who join in their photos in the middle of the night because they aren’t students of the new program but paranormal entities or psychotic stalkers.
Master of Arts in Gay Lingo
To better support the LGBTQ community, Sillyman University will soon launch its Master of Arts in Gay Linggo program. Like in all other language subjects, students will be taught how to conjugate verbs and how to translate everyday sentences into gay speech. For example, tanders (meaning “old”) + -um= tumanders (meaning “to grow old”). Another is the use of familiar places and people. Bangladesh does not denote the Asian country in gay lingo; rather, it means to “deposit in the comfort room”. Used in a sentence, one can say: “Fret, gora na ta kay mag-Bangladesh ko!”
There are many other lessons that aspiring students can get from this course offering. For more information, students can proceed to KH (Keribells Hall). The office is open from 8:00 AM- 5:00 PM.
Bachelor of Science in Liberal Human Kinetics
This course offering is a step higher than your Physical Education subjects. Students are not only expected to dance, but also to surpass the likes of Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga. Twerking, a dance characterized by the vigorous shaking of a person’s buttocks and popularized by Miley Cyrus, will be one of the main lessons in the program. Students will also be encouraged to dress up in avantgarde clothes made up of exotic materials like coconut husks and dental floss. However, students of the new program are still not expected to perform outside their classrooms as their professors have yet to secure a permit from PASO (Public Alarm and Scandal Office).
In addition, since the course will only be having its pioneering batch next semester, it still has limited funding. Instead of getting real celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga, students will be having professors appropriately named Melay Citrus and Lady Gagita.
These are the new academic developments for next semester. We hope you are as excited as the Weakly Sillymanian and that you remain as optimistic like this beautiful quote: “When life throws you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Di ka matingala nganung gilabayan ka ug lemon? Calamansi is cheaper.”
NB: this feature article is part of the lampoon issue
