Sunday, April 14, 2024

LAMPOON: ICYMI: Silliman Goes Vegan

by Keisiah Dawn Tiaoson | May 1, 2023

Silliman is washing its hands off being an enabler of unhealthy choices that can compromise human health. Marine Testing Group (MARITES) says fishes were found morbidly containing microplastics, swine products are pulled out because of the “supposed” flu (bombastic side eye), and cattle are exposed to the highly super duper dangerous – rays of sun. 

According to the Silliman Learned Administration Youth (SLAY) Research Team, an alarming seven out of ten dissected fishes contained microplastic particles inside their bellies. This prompted the university to make its biggest decision yet – to go vegan. 

And in case you missed it, here are the new dishes on the menu: 

1. Adobong Cheese bread

As part of Silliman’s attraction, cheese bread will now take a new form. One of the Sillimanians’  favourite pastries will now be mixed with vinegar, soy sauce, and lots of seasoning to become the new identity of exquisite Asian fusion. Adobong cheese bread will be 120 pesos per serving.

2. Ginataang crinkles (LOL Whut?)

As cheese bread’s closest rival, crinkles will now be one with “gata” or coconut juice and jackfruits to achieve a creamy consistent taste. It’s creamy and can pass off as your entree and dessert for lunch.  Ginataang crinkles will be 100 pesos per serving. 

3. Dinuguan de Silliman

Instead of using the pork’s insides, Silliman’s version of Dinuguan will focus on the utilization of tempura as a substitute. This will still be dark in color so students may not find it weird. This dish will be 90 pesos per serving. 

These changes may seem crazy, but we can always just move on and respect each others’ opinion. It is one of the duties of people to be mindful of what they eat, and how they affect the environment through the things they consume. Be one with Silliman as it goes vegan!

DISCLAIMER: This article is part of the Weekly Sillimanian’s lampoon issue. Any real, semi-real, or similar names, places, people, products, services, and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding details are purely fictional. The article’s contents are to be considered satire, parody, surrealism, and humor.

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