by Keisiah Dawn Tiaoson | February 11, 2023
People around you wonder why you are still free from commitments despite your seemingly perfect personality and warmth. People ask why there is no one sitting on your car’s front seat, or why is there only one person under your umbrella. You saw them looking and heard them asking, so you responded with your head held high:
You said you are single because you are still healing from things that went out of control. You know you cannot be totally present for your lover because there are times that you cannot be present for yourself. You know that even having someone willing to help carry your loads cannot catalyse the restoration process. Healing is a lengthy and heavy task for you and you cannot multitask. It is rather impossible to completely heal while committing. Surely, you know that love heals and pouring all the love your heart can give back to yourself, is not an exception. Self-love heals.
You are single because you cannot let go of childhood and liberty. Facing a field filled with flowers is your favorite form of rest. Your spirit craves to run barefoot on the shore and you still laugh at corny jokes. All you want at this moment is just to look at the stars and remain as still as the moonlight. The invites from friends to come over occupy you. You make your dad’s coffee and blush with his thank you. You make an art for your mom and giggle with her kisses. You know in your heart that love like this is what you can afford to give as of this moment. This love for family, freedom, friends, and sceneries, is your training ground for a different form of intimacy.
Lastly, you said, you are single because you are grounded on personal pursuits. Having no one by your side as you reach for your goals is not seen as a disadvantage for you. No matter what may happen or who may come, your eyes remain fixed on the things you regard as your priority. Walking alone, shopping alone, studying alone, and grinding alone didn’t shake you. You project a healthy demonstration of self-esteem and self-assurance. You know that if you cannot remain faithful and encouraging to yourself, then entering into a relationship will do more harm than good.
Those who heard you say this realized that you are under no obligation to conform to societal dating trends. They realized that to be able to love wholeheartedly, they must start loving themselves without any reservation. Radiating the love from within, is a manifestation of a fulfilled and composed human being. Nothing can be freely given unless it is abounding, not even love and all that comes with it. The price of committing without forethought, self-evaluation, and assessing the certainty of the things you look for, is expensive.
The amount of affection and importance you give to yourself is other people’s benchmark on how to treat you. Understanding the needs of the self is one major constituent to have a hint about who and what is it looking for. Focusing on self-exploration and truly knowing what the heart desires, are not only gifts for oneself but also for those one chooses to spend a lifetime with. Self-love must come before romance.
