By Carl Anthony Calumba
Most of us have lived our lives by the definition of others. We embody the character that they’ve perceived us to be, in the sense that we’ve become performers and the characters in our own lives when supposedly we’re the ones directing it.
I remember once standing in front of a mirror, trying to practice how I’d act around people—altering my posture, rehearsing my smile, adjusting my tone. It was exhausting, trying to package myself into something deemed acceptable. And in those moments, I caught my own eyes in the reflection, and for the first time, I felt like a stranger to myself. It stayed with me.
But we only ever realize these changes the moment we choose to appreciate every piece of who we are. When we stop pretending we hate our coffee cold. When we stop apologizing for wearing the same outfit twice. When we stop holding back our laughter just to make us more digestible for the world. When we let go of the need to prove ourselves to an audience that was never really watching.
When we start to invest in the soft practice of self-gratitude—like a quiet rebellion—we make room for our own joy, our own rituals, our own voice without needing permission, without shrinking to fit into someone else’s idea of “enough.” We allow ourselves to breathe freely, no longer suffocated by the expectations of a world too busy defining who we should be. If we keep looking for our value outside ourselves, we’ll never find it within us—and as Dr. Seuss so perfectly put it, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
However, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be inspired or seek advice. Rather, let others shape your perspective—but never let them mold your identity. Because there’s a difference between learning from others and losing yourself in them.
Stop being preoccupied with how others see you then allowing it to be the definition of you. Because every time you do, you surrender a piece of your truth.
