By Ryanne Czarina Villegas
There is a fortress inside my mind
I built it with my own two hands
With the flame I gathered for you
And the pieces of me I cut just for you, too
My fortress has windows that mirror what I see
Windows that keep the world from seeing me
The me that I was when I was held in your arms,
The me that I am when I remember your warmth.
You used to hold me like you loved me
Now, even your embrace burns me slowly
Then you told me to keep burning
So, I did, for you—never complaining.
My fortress has a million doors under lock and key
Doors that pull towards memories of you and me
Sometimes I peek at them just to see your smile
And sometimes I wait outside to avoid your eyes.
You used to light up at the sight of me
Now, you can barely even look at me
Then you told me to keep my gaze down,
So, I did, for you, without a sound.
My fortress has a room where music holds your voice
It is the song that never fails to bring me to tears
Sometimes I stay in that room just to hear you laugh
And sometimes I leave just before the joy disappears.
You used to sing me sweet, sweet lullabies
Now, even an “I love you” just tastes of lies
Then you told me to keep listening
So, I did, for you, though it was deafening.
My fortress has halls that extend beyond its walls
Halls that I painted exactly like you told me to
Sometimes I walk along them because I miss you
And sometimes I stare at them because I resent you.
You once loved me for me, I know that’s true
But now, I realize what I have become to you
You mold me and cut me and hurt me through
And still, I will always let you.
My fortress has walls as tall as the sky
Walls that protect me from the pain passing by
The very same pain I hold so dear
Because it reminds me that you were once here.
Even as you shape me into what you need,
Even as your words still to make me bleed,
Even as you carve my reflection to be more of you,
I have loved you all my life and I’ll continue to.
There is a fortress inside my mind
You built it with your own two hands
With the embers you left in your wake
And the pieces of me you chose to break.
