Monday, July 15, 2024

LAMPOON: PyroComm blasts SU for backing ‘sky reclamation’

by Barbie the Journalist | May 1, 2023

Silliman University Suspicious Government Pyrolysis Committee (PyroComm) said that the SU Administration is “ridiculous” to support the proposed “sky reclamation” project in a tweet on Sunday.

The tweet read, “The admin is ridiculous! We are saving our marine life by turning our backs on the 169 reclamation, but what about the air? What about our birds?! T-T”

PyroComm chairperson Prince Zuko said in an interview with the Weekly Sillimanian that aside from the air pollution, the floating sky island will cause “unnecessary sky traffic” due to the birds and airplanes.

“We heavily urge the admin to rethink their decision in supporting this project because it will really harm everyone,” Zuko added.

Meanwhile, Janice Bellemariano vice-president for development, enterprises, and extra-marital affairs said that the floating island has “many benefits.” 

Tourism will go up since it will look “really cool,” she said.

She added that it is “actually more environmentally friendly because the local government will limit air pollution by using solar panel-charged helicopters to construct the land.” 

SU President Beth McCrispyqueen also expressed support for the sky reclamation project. 

“Silliman will be a pioneer in this architectural marvel since the floating island will be located on top of our campus. I urge Sillimanians to support this cause even if they don’t fully understand,” she said. 

DISCLAIMER: This article is part of the Weekly Sillimanian’s lampoon issue. Any real, semi-real, or similar names, places, people, products, services, and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding details are purely fictional. The article’s contents are to be considered satire, parody, surrealism, and humor.


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