Thursday, April 18, 2024

Abuse Your Single-Use: Top 5 Hacks to Smuggle Plastics into Campus

by xXx_bLue.c4t_xXx | October 26, 2023

Isn’t it a hassle to get barred from the gate while being late for class, just because of a plastic bag? Well, you don’t have to throw your dignity away for some cellophane. We, at the Weakly Sillimanian stand with you, so here are the five best hacks to fly past security with finesse, with your C2 bottle in tow—tried and tested!

  1. Turn your scam into glam! 

Make every day a trash-to-fashion contest by wearing your single-use plastic as a fashion statement. Plastic is versatile and can fit tons of styles; you can tie a plastic bag around your head like a bandana if you’re going for a streetwear look, or cut the ends and wear the handles as sleeves for a crop top. The guards are no longer just security, they’re now your judges mama, so make sure to slay!

Cons: Absolutely none, anyone can do it.

  1. Make it your pet. 

Tell the guards your experiences with your plastic bottle. From the beginning of the semester to the end, the bottle has been with you ever since the start of your academic voyage. The bottle was with you all throughout your ups and breakdowns, from your journey slaying the university’s spirits to your rapidly changing relationships—you can’t just let go of your emotional support plastic bottle. Being separated from it will be bad for your mental health and might make you fail the semester. That way, even the coldest guard’s heart will melt to your story.

Cons: Won’t work if you’re not a talented storyteller.

  1. Get creative! Perform tricks. 

The entrance gate is now a talent show, baby! If you entertain the security enough, they might let you in. Juggle the bottles. Make a kite out of your plastic and fly it beyond the gate. Challenge the guard into trickshots, and have it so the best player can bring their plastic bottle inside.

Cons: You need skills.

  1. Use the plastic bag as a parachute. 

There are several entry points around the campus, and one of them is the Portal West rooftop. From there, make sure your plastic bag is upside down, like a parachute, hold on to the handles, and make your jump towards the flat ground. The only risk this entails is the wind, because you might be blown in another direction and land on the fence instead, so take note of the weather when you try it.

Cons: You might fall on a passing car.

  1. Point to security and say, “but you’re plastic.”

            While the guard stands speechless, swiftly make your way in.

Cons: None.

We’ll let you in on a secret: these hacks have been the tradition of students in the university, so there’s no doubt about their effectiveness. You will never fail with these easy and harmless ways to enter the university with your beloved single-waste plastic. Try them now!

NOTE: The Weakly Sillimanian will not be liable for any adverse consequences from these suggestions. Try them at your own risk.

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