Monday, July 15, 2024

LAMPOON: 5 Ways to Procrastinate More Inefficiently

by Nina Isabelle Alolod | April 29, 2023

It is inevitable that we turn to social media whenever we get tired or bored of doing school work. Our pesky hands just cannot help but wander towards our phones in search of that sweet dopamine hit that relieves us from the mind-numbing reading materials or unfinished requirements. However, there are plenty of other methods to procrastinate other than doom scrolling on Twitter, or working out your thumb by tuning in to the endless abyss of Tiktok. Without further ado, here are some ways you can be more inefficient with your academics:

  1. Befriend your local cats.

There are plenty of stray cats roaming around campus that need your pets. The soft fur of the library cat cannot possibly compete with the third video you’ve watched about the hottest celebrity beefs. Not only will you be able to take part in the cycle of library cat’s endless headpats, but you will also receive the amazing feeling of knowing that you have not contributed to your already too long screen time. 

  1. Touch grass.

Whether this sentiment is suggestive or not, definitely touch grass. The university has so many trees and flowers waiting to be caressed by your sweaty fingers. Touching grass (or any form of fauna) will remind you of just how precious the endangered environment is and will hopefully prompt you to add another eco bag to your collection instead of using plastic.

  1. Talk to your family.

When was the last time you called your family and told them you loved them? Time is passing by quickly and you cannot waste another moment staring longingly at your childhood photos on Facebook, when your poor mother is waiting for you on the other side of the phone. This is the only time you get to use your phone now. Use it wisely while you can!

  1. Talk to yourself.

If you don’t want to talk to your family, that’s fine. You can talk to yourself! Crazy right? (pun intended). You may be wondering, why can’t I just talk to my friends? The answer is quite simple: your friends will never understand you the way you understand yourself. Find the nearest mirror and talk to your reflection about anything under the sun. Additionally, you can also pretend to be a famous celebrity that’s on their first red carpet interview. Just make sure no one is around to see, or else you’ll never hear the end of it.

  1. Think about your life.

You’re already facing the mirror and you cannot help but let your mind drift to the consequences of staying away from your homework. You let your mind spiral into the possible effects of this decision. Would you become the next Steve Jobs by walking on this path of reckless truancy? Or will it lead to not graduating at all? Whatever it is, the clock is ticking and you’ll find yourself closer to the deadline if you stay still. And so, with cat fur on your shirt and your family’s well wishes, you return to your desk–already anticipating the next time you’re able to get away.

Now that you’ve learned new ways to procrastinate more efficiently with your homework, it would do you well to consistently apply these tactics in your everyday life. Why bother cleaning those dirty plates you’ve had in your sink for weeks when you can search for a stray animal to pet? There’s no need to do your laundry when you can immerse yourself in nature. When you’re on your deathbed, would you rather regret not being a good student or would you rather reminisce all the times you’ve had fun away from your phone? The possibilities are endless and it’s up to you on whether or not you choose to stay in the limited confines of your screen.


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