by Keren Ann Bernadas
“Remember there’s a reason God limits a man’s days.”
Somewhere in my past, I used to ask the One above why my memories are made in grief. For two long years, I’ve been asking that question. And for the same length of time, I’ve been trying to consider all these as a challenge to become a better person after losing two very important people in my life. I have a brother but I still long for another man’s existence in my life. When I was three years old, I lost my father to a disease. When I started uttering “I love you” to everyone, I could no longer say it to him. The first time I celebrated Father’s
Day, I could no longer have one. When I was eight, I wished that my dad could have had a few more moments on earth with us so I can experience how it feels to be hugged, loved, cared, supported and kissed by a father. I wish I had more time with him also so I can express how thankful I am for being his daughter. Mitch Albom, in his book Time Keeper didn’t fail to capture my being as he wrote about the importance of time. It tells about the convergence of three different people with three stories, each having a request all in the name of time. One who wished to stop it, one who spoke to it, “Go slower” and the other one, “Go faster.” Dor was a child who did nothing but
pile sticks, stones and sand for one reason to measure time. Living in exile, he and his wife, Alli, stayed in the high plains. On the fifth notch of the third stone, as the sun prepared to set, Alli was sick to death. Dor spoke to her, “I will stop your suffering. I will stop everything.”
Sarah was the smart, insecure girl who asked for more time. After being rejected by her first love, she almost killed herself as she let poison suffocate her. She wanted more time to be with the guy she first fell in love with. Victor, the last character, was an eighty year- old businessman who suffered from kidney disease. He knew that there was little time for him to live. Cryonics is a technology only rich men can afford and since was wealthy, he wanted be frozen for centuries, leaving Grace, his wife, his only family. I feel very sad of God’s will for me. Having no father takes away my happiness in life. But at least, I am with my brother and my mother—a family that picked up broken times and did everything to keep ourselves whole. However, my mother, after fighting cancer for two years, died. I felt no reason to be happy. Perhaps, there is no time for me to experience something good on earth. Sometimes, I think heaven never granted enough time for me to be with my parents. Why wasn’t I blessed with enough time with them? Dor, for trying to measure time, was punished by God. He was banished to a cave for centuries. To be able to save himself, he has to save Sarah and Victor. So in between lives, Dor turned the
only hourglass in hand. Time stopped. Ashamed and guilty, Sarah learned that love fits perfectly under heaven’s time while Victor in spite of his riches, admitted that it was not his choice to delay his death. In real life, there is no stopping time; every bit of sand in the hourglass never stops falling. There is no turning back. As much as I want to sacrifice anything just to have my parents back, I would rather continue life. Yes, everything that happened wasn’t easy. It is painful to know that before I reach all my dreams in life, I wouldn’t see two proud parents alive. Dor said, “There is still time for you. There are more things for you to do in life….” And as the hands of the clock point at 0:00, I am ready to accept my fate; not to start all over again but to continue this journey. I got one answer: To make life precious, God, the Father Time, limited my parents’ days for me to appreciate mine. They died so that I can use my life better- take care of it, live it, explore and then enjoy as long as the ticking never stops, as long as there is time for me.
